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When I was a junior high school student, I wrote an essay as a homework about myself. I do not remember well about its detail. But conclusion was very compliant saying \u201cI am what I am\u201d as a Korean who live in Japan might be beyond high flown by novels. \u00a0And I remember that I was glad when our homeroom teacher praised me.<\/p>\n
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I was a fearless teenager who were nerves about small matters keeping myself open and did not hesitate to expose my thinking in public. \u00a0Looking back that time, I feel giddy and dread to concede \u201ca foreigner who lives in Japan\u201d.\u3000I was not an admirable Japanese speaker. I kept sending small messages to the people around, so that they can change their rigid ideas about me.<\/p>\n
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Sociologist Prof. KISI Masahiko wrote in his book \u201cAssimilation and Dissimilation\u201d that minority means they are kept asking about their identities and majority means they are free from such questions. I did not know the outlook. But I think there was a strong meaning, to keep on asking the question to myself and but to people around me. \u00a0<\/p>\n
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And now, I chose \u201cforeigners\u201d who live in Japan\u3000as my research and I am continuing it. People may think that I have become more forethoughtful and nervous as compared to my teenage. When I speak about something, I stop for a while to breathe deeply and reconsider it. It feels that I am adult now and have to speak means: If you can differentiate yourself as a person and a Researcher (Professionally) then it is a proof that you have grown up.<\/p>\n
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I am collecting and accumulating feelings of wrongness obscurely which I feel in my daily life. \u00a0At the time of entrance ceremony of schools, I heard \u201cOnly Japanese can enjoy beautifulness of cherry blossoms\u201d, \u201cGlad to be born in Japan\u201d. I am not concerned about words which are unimpressive. I have just acknowledged for the words \u201cAs I thought, you are a Korean\u201d or \u201cNow, you are complete Japanese\u201d despite they are not malicious. I had a feeling of frustration rather than consideration very often when I reveal my name to a friend with whom I converse. Our communication slowed eventually.<\/p>\n
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Such feelings were my motivation and basic stance of my research.<\/p>\n
I intended to proceed, keeping possible attention not to be lugged when I debate. What it means is a continual working and answering despite being severely criticized by others. It might be the same for everybody. \u00a0What I have in my thought might have been answered already and I was asked to explain it more precisely and freshly. When I went on reading predecessor\u2019s consideration, I realized that I had to find new words for explanation. I realized to keep my thought to under one\u2019s hat to overwhelming deed.<\/p>\n
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As individual concerned, I could not be an advocate for others. I felt strongly that I was working for unprecedent research and I proceeded my research in actual fields. What I experienced and felt in Japan was just a track. Likewise, experiences and sensitivities as \u201cforeigners in Japan\u201d present infinite varieties. When I encountered such occasions, I, as individual concerned, was confused, depressed and hurt. Research will not give \u201cdesirable\u201d answers. Generalization might be just arrogance.<\/p>\n
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Looking \u3000back as mentioned above, what I got as graduate school student were respect for predecessors and awareness for others.<\/p>\n
I got prudence also because of such respect and awareness. I could not keep proper distance between a person concerned and a researcher thou but sometimes, I became overcautious or emotional.<\/p>\n
I inspired myself thinking that other researchers would be in difficulties to keep proper distance and had trial and error.<\/p>\n
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If I could borrow my childish courage like old days when \u201cI am what I am\u201d, I think it would be meaningful to keep distance as \u201cwho I am\u201d.<\/p>\n
Thinking that, I hope I will proceed my research life.\u00a0<\/p>\n
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